


I Really Loved You

by XIIIBlackCatXIII



Series: The Magnus Archives shorts [6]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lots of cuddles, M/M, jon does not have fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XIIIBlackCatXIII/pseuds/XIIIBlackCatXIII
Summary: Set after MAG 159, and I lift and bastardise a bit of dialogue from that ep too-
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Series: The Magnus Archives shorts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689514
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	I Really Loved You

_ “He doesn’t want to see you.” _

I won’t believe you.

_ “The people you think you love don’t exist.” _

He does, I do, I love him.

_ “He doesn’t want to see you. Just go.” _

I can’t, I  _ won’t. _

_ “I- I’m here, I came for you.” _

_ “Why?” _

Because I love you.

_ “I really loved you, you know?” _

Loved, loved, love _ d. _

Past tense, no longer current.

_ “I need you!” _

_ “No, no you don’t.” _

I do, I do, I  _ do! _ _   
  
_

_ “I don’t want to just survive!” _

_ “You will.” _

No…  _ No! _

_ “Just go, Jon. I don’t need you.” _

This- This isn’t how it was supposed to go-

_ “I don’t  _ want _ you, Jon.” _

No, no no _ no nononononono! _

_ “Get away from me, JON.” _

Please, please Martin, please-

_ “GO, JON!” _

Martin-

_ “JON!” _

Jon jolted awake, drenched in a cold sweat, tears still falling down his face, and Martin, Martin looming over him, a terrified look on his face that gained only a small amount of relief as Jon opened his eyes.

Jon flung his arms around Martin’s shoulders, drawing himself up to bury his head in his neck, sobbing and gasping for breath.

“J- Jon? Are you okay? I mean, that’s obviously a dumb question, I just-”

Jon squeezed tighter, mouthing ‘I love you’ over and over into Martin’s neck.

“I- If you want to talk- If you can talk about it, I can listen.”

Jon made no move, and Martin kept a tight hold on the shuddering body, rubbing circles on his back and murmuring comforting words.

It took Jon a while to match his breathing with Martin’s calm and even pace, even though he could feel Martin’s heart still racing, and he allowed his trembling arms to fall, although Martin didn’t lessen his grip at all, keeping Jon pressed tight to his chest.

Martin stopped his humming, Jon didn’t know when he’d started.

“Jon?” His voice was quiet, delicate, “is it- are you better?”

Jon let out a hoarse bark of laughter, and shook his head, breathing in the comforting scent of Martin’s cheap body wash.

“Yeah, that- that was stupid-”

Jon shook his head again, pulled back to look at Martin with red rimmed eyes, and croaked out “you’re not- stupid.” 

Martin gave him a smile, but Jon could see the evidence of Martin’s tears on his face and his heart sank even further.   
He reached up to cup Martin’s face, “s- orry-”

Then it was Martin’s turn to frown, “don’t apologise,” Jon’s thumb tracked a tear trail, and Martin leaned into the hand, reaching a hand up to cup his hand, “you know how easily I cry.”    
Martin smiled, “remember the baby cow?” Even the memory caused Martin’s eyes to start water, “too small, too fluffy-”

Jon bit back a smile at the memory, watching as Martin knelt in the mud to pet a tiny calf, and the way his eyes shined with happiness as he looked back at Jon, “calf.”

Martin laughed lightly, and pressed a kiss to the palm of Jon’s hand, “fine, remember the calf? Happy now?” He teased.

Jon nodded, a tired smile creeping up his face.

Martin kept their hands connected as he gently laid Jon back down in the bed, and lay beside him, “do you want to sleep, or?”

“Get up?” 

“Hell no, we’re not getting out of bed at 5AM.”

“Me.”

Martin gave him a firm look, “neither of us is getting out of bed before eight, at the earliest. You don’t have to sleep again, but you’re not getting up.”

Jon let out a sigh, and reached for the bottle of water on the bedside table, taking a sip to wet his throat.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jon stared at the water, watching the ripples from his still trembling hand.

Martin reached his free hand over, placing it on top of Jon’s much smaller hand, the warmth a stark contrast between the chill of the bottle, “you don’t have to, I can read you something if you’d prefer.”

Jon took a deep breath, and placed the bottle back before curling fully into Martin’s arms, tucking his head under his chin.

Martin let out a small contented noise, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, and running his fingers through Jon’s long, grey hair.

“Dream, bad…” Jon started, his voice halting, unable to use full sentences, “Lonely… you.”

Martin had a slight frown on his face, he was used to Jon being unable to speak, and he was so happy he was actually using words, despite it not being many at a time, but it didn’t make deciphering his meaning any easier, “I was in The Lonely?”

Jon nodded softly, careful not to accidentally jar Martin’s jaw, “you… wrong- wrong words.”

“I… said the wrong words?” Another small nod, “I was in The Lonely, and I said the wrong words…”

Jon pulled in a shuddering breath, “to- me.”

“To you,” Martin let out a little sigh, “whatever I said, it was a dream, I- I don’t really know where to go from here, but it was just a dream and I’m here and I love you and-”

_ “Loved.” _

Martin froze, “Jon, I  _ love _ you.” 

Jon clung tighter, tears threatening to fall again.

“I love you Jon, please,” Martin moves back as well as he could, and tilted Jon’s head up, “ _ I love you Jon, _ and- and I know what I said when I was in The Lonely but, please, I-” Martin fumbled his words, desperate to get his point across, make sure Jon  _ knew _ , “when I said-  _ that _ , I was- I didn’t-”

The first tear fell from Jon’s eyes, and opened the floodgates for Martin’s. 

Jon tried to turn his head away, to disengage, to not hear what he thinks he’ll hear.

_ “No!”  _ Jon starts, wide eyed at Martin’s forcefulness, “look at me Jon,  _ look at me _ .”

He did, looking into the tearful eyes, the expression of hurting, and the underlying _ love. _

“When I said that in The Lonely, I thought you weren’t real, that- that you were just a specter Peter made up to fuck with me for disobeying him, I _ never _ thought that  _ anyone  _ would be able to find me, but you did!” He gives a watery smile, “you  _ found _ me and you  _ saved _ me and you were  _ there _ ,” he presses their lips together, not quite a kiss.

“You were real, you were there, I could see  _ you _ , and what chased away The Lonely was  _ your love _ .”

Jon let out a horrendous sniffle, eyes closed as he pressed his face against Martin’s, “m- me…?”

Martin gave a tired chuckle, pressing kisses over Jon’s face, one on every scar, one on every tear, one on every part of his face he could reach, “you saved me, and I love you. Nothing can ever change that Jon.”

Jon caught his lips in a kiss, a desperate attempt to show his own love while his voice failed him.Martin understood though, and he held him tight.

  
They didn’t leave bed until midday, too concerned with gentle conversation, wrapped in each other's arms, warm, safe, and  _ loved. _

**Author's Note:**

> I was afraid this was gonna end up being a 600 word one but then I kept goin n broke 1k for once-
> 
> And if you're surprised, jus wait til my friend finishes checkin over my other thing for triggers-
> 
> Don't tell him but I think I might add some more to it while he's not lookin-


End file.
